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Monday, 20 March 2017

Non Russian parties like a Russian - part 2.

Sometimes it is hard to understand what happens to you as you grow older. You feel exactly the same as you did when you were twenty-something. You think you look the same, just a bit more refined in your style and views on life. You realise you are closer to forty, than to thirty, only when you try to do things you did at twenty, and your body refuses to act in the same way as it did then.

This time was just like last time and, unfortunately, with the same result. And that actually made me think - What the hell is wrong with me!! My Estonian friend had a birthday and as it started with my birthday and it was quite fun. We decided to organise a surprise night out for her. We booked the place where you can paint and at the same time drink wine. As she is an artist, it was a perfect place to start the party. There is actually an internet site ( on which you can see in which bars around Moscow they organise the painting and choose place, date and time. As ours was in the center we decided to continue our night in Papas bar (already tested that they would let us in).

The start of the night looked really promising. Though our birthday girl was a bit late. A bit late in Moscow is around one hour. When you are two hours late, then people start to complain. Luckily, she new her way around painting so she was able to catch up and still finish with better painting then all the rest of us. The artist, who is in charge of the evening, guides you step by step through the process of painting the picture, and it is actually amazing how in the end you feel like Vincent van Gogh. Probably two glasses of wine help you to see a much better painting then it actually is, but the whole two hours we spent there were really amazing and a lot of fun.

Next stop was Papas, and that is where my troubles start. It is like my brain is not used to go to two places in one night so it decides to forget that I already had two glasses of wine. Now we are deciding what to order, and my Russian friend orders a beer, so I decide to follow her. Still feeling like twenty. Half an hour later, my Estonian friend decides to order tequila, and I follow. At that moment I get up and try to walk in my heels with my friend. She walks in front of me. I am on heels. Which I wear three times a year, and this is already second time this year. I try to walk proudly but at that moment my left leg decided to slide on the heel forcing me to do a split. I graciously try to keep up with the split, catching the seats next to me, nocking down menus from them and completely terrifying a young couple in love. Oh, just can imagine what went through their heads. My friend, walking in front of me, turns, at that point, to tell me something and sees me doing a half split in the middle of the bar. Enough to say she nearly peed her pants laughing....

But I did not consider this to be a sign from my brain and body telling me to be satisfied with three litres of water till the end of the night. Oh no. I had two additional tequilas and decided that instead of water in between I should continue with wine. Well, at one o'clock my brain just pressed taxi application without me even realising it. And I just managed to tell the girls, I am going home. In the taxi I nearly fell asleep, but as we came to my house taxi driver asked me for 400 rubles. I first gave him a thousand so he politely asked if I have smaller money. As at that moment my Russian was also in a bit of a drunken state, I couldn't really immediately understand, but I managed to take the 1000 back and tried to look for a 500 bill. But I was soo tired, I gave him the first bill that had five on it. He still tried to explain something. My brain decided this was too much conversation at that point, gave up and my face went white. The guy just said - go. Later the other day I realised I actually paid him 50. I must have seemed in such a bad shape that he just decided to get rid of me.

In the end I really believe I learnt my lesson this time (after repeating it for the second time). And here are some rules when drinking in Russia
  1. NEVER EVER try to drink same amount or variety as your Russian friends
  2. Have a wingman, who will remind you that you are not in your twenties
  3. Write your age on a piece of paper and keep it close to your glass (maybe you can also add how many kids you have.)

So I am prepared for next time. Lets see if it will work!!

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